How to Stop Avoiding Things

There is no greater place to start that right now, wherever you are. So often, we spend a huge amount of time justifying why we shouldn’t give something a try when we could spend that time in action making a difference. But avoiding is a natural human reaction to discomfort. Our brains go into survival mode and work to expel the least amount of energy and stress. If you’re feeling stuck, these helpful tips can help you start doing and stop avoiding.

Figure out the next step. The first step is often the most difficult. Chances are that if you’re avoiding something - you’re doing so with good reason (i.e., because it is uncomfortable, difficult, new, etc.). But once you take that first step, you can build off the momentum it will inevitably create. Marathon runners train for months before they run a race - starting with smaller, easier runs and building up to be able to handle a full race. Any task you’re avoiding for should be the same. Start small and build in increments.

Start when you have the most energy. Most people are the most energetic in the mornings. Let me clarify…you don’t have to leap out of bed with the excitement of a kid on Christmas morning to be energetic. I’m talking about brain energy. Your mind is freshest in the morning before the world has distracted you and pulled you in a million different directions. When you find a task undesirable, go ahead and get it on your scheduled for the first thing on Monday morning. Work to time block time needed to make a dent and go ahead and get it done. You will likely even enjoy the added bonus of having an even more productive day the rest of the day building of your early productivity.

Treat Yo’self!  I routinely reward the small wins in my day/life. This is how I keep showing up for the difficult tasks and build strong habits. Too often, we think of rewards as high-dollar rewards. Instead, focus on small rewards. Did you get an hour of prospecting done? Reward yourself with lunch with a friend. Crushed your week? Schedule a date night!

Seek and keep accountability. The months following hiring our Project Manager, my business thrived. I hear the same from our clients once they start working with us. It isn’t any big secret that causes this. In fact, it is simple accountability. As humans, there is one thing that we like less than an unpleasant or uncomfortable action, and that is letting other down. When you not only fail to do what you said you would do, but you also have to tell someone you didn’t do it - it just plain sucks. Keep in mind, it doesn’t matter how it gets done. It matters that it gets done. You don’t need a coach or a trainer to help with this. Set up accountability practices in your daily life and you will drastically impact your likelihood of getting things done! Just watch.

Stay curious. Sometimes we put things off for a good reason but sometimes - we just put things off. Did you ever wonder why kids learn so much so quickly? Because they are constantly curious. They’re constantly asking questions and learning new information. Steve Jobs once said “Curiosity is the fuel that makes people think at a tangent and come up with new ideas, in an attempt to work differently and come up with better results.” This point has always resonated with me. If you stay curious, you’ll continue to refine and improve on your processes and more importantly, yourself.

What's Your Metric?

In my line of work, the last quarter of the year means one thing…business planning. Most of my clients are hard at work charting out their plans for 2019 and we’re by their side to help. One of the biggest parts of business planning isn’t just about the plans for the future, but the metrics with which you will measure your success.

Each day, my kids go to school and I am able to track their progress and behavior through a fun app the school began utilizing this year. I absolutely adore the features this app provides. Because I’m more aware of what they’re doing each day, I’m able to have more substantive conversations with them each night. Gone are the days of “how was your day at school?” with the humdrum “Good!” Now I’m able to ask, “What were you doing when you got a point for setting a good example?” or “I’m really proud of you for being a shining star today” and yes, even “We really need to focus on making better choices tomorrow.” The simplicity of the metrics in this app make it easy for me to track their progress, but they’re also the metrics I want to evaluate their progress by. Are they being good people? Are they helping others? Are they setting good examples? Sure, I want them to excel in reading and math too, but I stand by the fact that I’ve used none of my chemistry knowledge in my adult life.

This got me thinking, who really defines our metrics? In real estate, so much of our success is inherently tied to production. Brokerages award them, other agents measure themselves against your production, and it even is leveraged to help you win more business. And while production is undoubtedly important - to me, so are so many other metrics. Have we lost sight of those metrics during our chase for more?

Most adults struggle to find the hours in the day to complete their to-do lists. We go to sleep with our minds still abuzz with our tasks for the next day and even struggle to sleep through the night because we’re constantly thinking about what lies ahead. Sure, technology is partially to blame, but so are we. I think this is all a result of us falling off track from the real metrics that matter in life. The news, work, our lives - it can all feel a little heavy sometimes, but each time it does; I encourage you to revisit your metrics and even go back to the metrics of your childhood to measure up.

Are you proud of who you are or who you are becoming?

Did you try your best today?

How did you help someone today?

Are you happy?

What did you do to be better today?

Honor The Struggle

We have established the importance of incremental growth; however, what we didn't dive into is the struggle associated with that growth. Trust us when we tell you, we get it.  The struggle is real. But, the struggle is also necessary to achieve great things. When we are growing, building, and advancing - the natural desire is for an easier way. We're in a time of life hacks and shortcuts, but as a coach, I assure you - there is no hack to success. There is a struggle, but instead of fearing the struggle, we must learn to honor the struggle as part of the larger process. 

As I coach, I am particularly attuned to what differentiates high performers from low performers, and while habits are the main differentiator, more recently I have been intrigued by specifically what habits make a difference. In Brendon Burchard's book, High Performance Habits, he explores this idea of honoring the struggle in depth. 

He makes the point that our society has glorified avoidance of the struggle versus honoring the struggle, which is a big mistake. This concept of an easy way out is particularly prevalent in the training and coaching industry. People want you to simplify the content, find an easier process, or even a shortcut; but my question remains - if we are always telling people to do what is easy, why would they ever embrace the things that are hard? Well, they wouldn't. Are you looking for the easy way out? Hopefully not, and here's why...

High performers don't just honor the struggle, they welcome the struggle. They shift their mindset to prepare for the struggle, then welcome the struggle, and eventually even build off their struggle to grow their character into who they need to become rather than leaning on who they are. What if you adopted that mindset? What if you were willing to meet your challenges head-on instead of trying to avoid them? Would your life look drastically different? I bet it would. 

Setting big goals requires big work. Big work requires big belief. And, well, big belief requires big faith. Faith not just that you are already capable of achieving great things (which you probably are), but that to achieve things beyond your wildest dreams - you will do what it takes to get there - struggle or not. You're committed to refine your skills, learn new skills, and build a big, badass life. So go on...what are you waiting for?

Growth Is A Process

As we embark on a new year, many of us are finding ourselves focusing on the year ahead. But think on this for a moment...2018 is only a year. Just as 2017 was and every year before that. And chances are, there will be more years to come as well. So, instead of focusing just on 2018 and what we will achieve this year, wouldn't it be more useful to focus on how we can make 2018 a year of incremental growth so that we can achieve greater things in the years to come?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that you should sell yourself short and set goals with little growth in mind. I'm a big fan of audacious goals, but why not focus those goals on the process of growth versus a destination? Why set some arbitrary day to be a better you instead of focusing every day on how you can be better than you were yesterday? 

For example, in 2017 I set a goal to lose 25 pounds. 2016 had been a year of big transitions in my personal life and my health was reflective of that. The thing about losing weight and getting healthy is that it provides a lot of perspective on incremental growth. You can't just go for a run and meal prep for a week and poof! you're back to your prime! Much to our chagrin, that's just not how this works. Instead, you better get comfortable with incremental growth. So, this is how it went for me...

On February 13, 2017, my Peloton bike arrived. I had been lusting after it for months at that point and couldn't wait to take my first ride. I had space in our guest room perfectly reserved, my water bottle was filled, and I was ready for the delivery guys to set it up so I could ride! As soon as they set it up, I hopped on and took my first ride. Truth is, I don't know if you can call the flailing that I did a ride as I thought the instructor had plans to kill me the entire ride, but I just kept pedaling. I got off the bike and felt defeated (and exhausted) and almost started to cry. Here I was, sitting on the floor in a puddle of my own sweat, out of breath, overweight, having spent thousands of dollars on a piece of equipment that I felt like I couldn't even do. 

But that night, I got on the bike again. This time only for 20-minutes, unlike the 45-minute deathwish ride that I'd done earlier. It was still hard, but I kept pedaling. My stepkids sat on the bed watching me asking questions like "why are you sweating so much?" and "is that hard?" the entire ride as my fiance encouraged me knowing that I was struggling. Even though it was hard, it was a little easier than earlier that day. This continued throughout 2017 and I ended the year more than 25 pounds lighter than I began it, completely asthma free, and with a heart rate that was well within a healthy range for my age. So, what does my weight loss journey have to do with your audacious goals for 2018? Well, a lot. Much like my goal seemed almost too big to imagine in January; when I was able to break it down into small, achievable steps - it seemed more realistic. In order to lose 25 pounds by the end of the year, you need to lose roughly 1/2 a pound per week. Sounds doable, right? 

This is incremental growth. So, maybe you're struggling with the size of your goals for this year. Or maybe you're having trouble thinking about how you get from A to Z by 2020. Start by defining where you want to be in a year, three years, five years, maybe even ten years then be honest with yourself about what it will take to get there. What skills do you need to refine or even learn? What changes do you need to make? What strategies must you master? You won't get there today, but thinking about the incremental growth makes you a lot more likely to get there eventually than your zero to sixty plot you've made up in your mind. Take your time. Make incremental changes. Celebrate your wins. And go crush it. 

Small steps add up. You just have to choose the direction.